Can We Talk?
Bad news is no fun to deliver. That’s why even distinguished leaders and otherwise successful people will go to great lengths to avoid doing it. For example, you might tolerate a long-standing, but mediocre, skincare vendor instead of giving the contract to another company. Or maybe you make excuses to hold on to an underperforming therapist or a front desk employee who is always late. These delays buy a reprieve, but they surely don’t improve the situation. In fact, as we hesitate, prevaricate, and beat around the bush, the underlying problem gets worse, and the web of complications grows ever more tangled. As such, we owe it to ourselves to study up on the fine art of delivering tough messages.
If you were hoping for a way around the unpleasant emotions that accompany the delivery of difficult news, I’ll have to disappoint you—there isn’t one. But there are some strategies to help you deal with these conversations more promptly and successfully. Delivering bad news is an essential skill, even if it won’t win you any popularity contests. Dealing with issues decisively and in a timely manner can save you time, energy, and money—not to mention all the mental anguish you feel while procrastinating.
Here, are four things to keep in mind the next time you need to deliver a message the other person won’t want to hear:
1. Get to the core of the matter. When you were writing essays in high school, dredging up a thesis statement may have made you feel like banging your head against your desk. Even now, coming up with the perfect hook to market a new service or product to a potential client can take hours of your time. But your core message is obvious when you’re giving bad news: It’s the thing you don’t want to say. Your core message might be, “We’re switching vendors” or “We have to let you go.” The message you’ve been avoiding is the message you need to deliver.
2. Stick to your guns. Think back to the tough conversations you’ve had in the past. Have you ever been talked out of your decision by the other person (“But we’ve worked together for 15 years—you’re not really letting me go, are you?”) or even changed your mind before the conversation begins (“She’s going to be so upset—I just can’t go through with it.”)?
You don’t do yourself or the other person any favors by putting things off. Remember, you’re not negotiating, fact-finding, or gathering input. Resist the temptation to get pushed, cajoled, or charmed off your message. Keep your end goal in mind, and deliver your less-than-pleasant message. Bad news is like taking off a Band-Aid—it’s best done quickly.
3. Explain yourself (but not too much). It’s important to make sure the other party understands your message and doesn’t walk away with the wrong impression. For instance: “We have to let you go, because we’re bringing on someone with a different skill set.” Or “We’re switching vendors, because we need different service schedules.” As in these examples, strive to state your point and explanation—the reason behind the message—in one sentence. You can repeat variants of this combination if you want to say more, but don’t add new information, or you may encourage a drift away from your core message.
4. Get out (of the conversation, that is). If you’ve communicated your core message and the other person understands, it’s probably acceptable to start thinking about an exit. Naturally, you should address any obvious questions, like “Do we keep making deliveries this week?” and “When’s my last day?” However, be wary of answering too many speculative or probing questions. In this type of conversation, your core message speaks for itself, and a great deal of unnecessary damage is often done when you prolong a difficult conversation. You might end up giving up ground you hadn’t intended to, talking about topics that are better left unaddressed, or escalating the conversation to the point of hostility.
When it’s time to deliver bad news, don’t get pushed off of your core message. It’s a simple formula: Be clear, be concise, and be gone.—Geoffrey Tumlin
Geoffrey Tumlin is the author of the book Stop Talking, Start Communicating: Counterintuitive Secrets to Success in Business and in Life (McGraw-Hill 2013). He is the founder and CEO of Mouthpeace Consulting, a communication consulting company; president of On-Demand Leadership, a leadership development company; and founder and board chair of Critical Skills Nonprofit, a public charity dedicated to providing communication and leadership skills training to chronically underserved populations. Visit www.tumlin.com for more information.